meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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