I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
