She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
