I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
