If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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