I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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