We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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