I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
