i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
only if we run a train.
done.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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