dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
