Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
