Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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