i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
