My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
