in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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