I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
