I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
