I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize