Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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