Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
