When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize