The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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