i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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