I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
