the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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