she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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