He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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