One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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