It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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