My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
