K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize