I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
