I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
