you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
