So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
