Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
