I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
