I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
