i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
