Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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