First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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