Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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