It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
