Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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