Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
