I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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