u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
