I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
