I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
