It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
