Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sick fucks of a feather flock together
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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