I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
