I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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