can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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