just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
