I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
