More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
