I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
