well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
