i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
