OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're like the curious george of whores
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
