I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
