I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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