Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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