Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
