I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
