Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
