the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
