My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
