i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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