my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
