Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
