did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My penis needs a shock collar
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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