he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
