He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize