As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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