his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
