There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
